Lunar Valentine
by BrokenEmber
Summary: Alternate Universe aftermath of ME3's ending. Shepard/Vakarian/T'Soni drama. People say you can be forgiven, and that time heals all wounds. Maybe we are meant to suffer and to never really get what we want. We have seasons of suffering, the same way the moon changes. Sometimes suffering brings character and perseverance. Sometimes love means tragedy. A lunar valentine. [Finished]
1. Eclipse

**Notes:** _Alternate ending AU F! Shepard/Garrus/Liara_

 _I have this habit of starting things but not finishing them…_

* * *

Lunar Valentine 

Shepard opened her eyes. It felt like forever since she had felt the weight of her eyelids. Being comatose was hard.

Her vision was blurry but there stood Dr. Chakwas and a male turian she had never seen before. He wore white, like a doctor. It was safe to categorize him as such until she could feel her fingertips, her swollen knuckles and each joint crackled under slight pressure. She groaned and one arm grabbed her opposite ribcage and the other on her heart. It was just then that she understood how much breathing could hurt. It was shallow and she wondered if maybe she shouldn't have sat up so quickly. The doctors surrounded her, now too many to count. It felt like numerous hands were on her, checking her every vital. Dr. Chakwas was speaking to her but all she could hear was a whispered "I love you," from another time. There was a stream of light in her green eyes, one at time, each pupil performing symmetrically. She was reacting to light properly but she could not breathe. Her chest felt so heavy.

Everything was sore and it felt like every joint, bone and ligament was aflame. Her very tissues were burning, molten in her core. She had not even realized the bandages on both of her hands. She had lost every finger on her right hand after firing at the red barrier that sent out the pulse to destroy the Reapers.

Then she remembered. Thane. Ashley. Virmire. Mindoir. Rannoch. Menae. Earth.

" _If I'm up there in that bar, and you're not…I'll always be looking down. You'll never be alone." She couldn't bear to say another word. She knew this very well may be their last moments together. She'd be damned if he saw her cry. But when he whispered "…never", she froze and squared her jaw and wiped her eyes. Then she kept walking._

It flashed over the screen in her brain like a vid, a screenplay of vivid images frozen in her psyche. They traced back to her childhood, her parents being slaughtered in front of her by batarians. Signing up into the Alliance when she turned 18. Her team being brutally and violently murdered by thresher maws. She gasped, gripping her chest harder.

"Dr. Chakwas? How long…?"

Her ears finally opened, the white noise of pure terror mellowing to a soft baritone of voices in her head.

As she stared at her doctor's mouth to try to understand, the words came out incomprehensible.

"15 months..."

Her vision tunneled, and she soon was embraced by the indifferent darkness.

* * *

It was 3 am when he got the phone call. He had snuck out of bed to answer. He hadn't been able to sleep since hearing the news.

He stared out of his apartment window, his view of the busy streets of Illium. Multi-colored vehicles swept past his view, some barely missing the corner of his bedroom. He sipped his dextro coffee slowly.

He shook his head and heard his lover's throat clear from behind him. He then heard the sound of her dress hit the floor, the unclasping of her bra, and the soft sound it made when it hit the wood floor of their apartment.

He turned and a blue hand reached for him.

"Liara, I can't." He pulled away from her hand, moving into the kitchen.

He placed his coffee cup down.

She paused before him, then used one arm to cover her breasts and touched the scarred side of his face with her other hand.

She sighed and walked back to her clothes on the floor. She slipped them on and smoothed out the wrinkles as best she could. "Garrus."

He was staring at a corner of their apartment, the smooth metallic tile in their kitchen. They had picked out the tile together, and Liara designed the pattern with her biotics. It was intertwined with the mixture, forming what felt like an inseparable bond.

She reached out to grab his hand.

Garrus looked at her and pulled away from her touch. Guilt and shame flooded his veins. He placed one hand on the counter, trying to hold himself steady. His vision was blurry. His heart was racing. He found he had to look away as he slowly said the words:

"Shepard's…awake."


	2. Glow

Her body glowed. Shepard was dreaming, and her body formed a biotic barrier immediately. She saw him. It was a perfect recreation of their last night together, before arriving at the Illusive Man's base. He pressed his forehead against hers, kissed her mouth, then moved down. She gasped in her sleep, her lip trembling.

Shepard groaned in her dream, her barrier extending even further. Then she saw a fire. The red laser of the Reapers. She tried to grip her bed with her right hand, but she had no fingers. She was unable to grab anything. In her sleep, she screamed, and the barrier burst and extended the space of the room. It snapped back into her when she opened her eyes, panting hard.

She looked at her right hand, sweat blurring her vision, but sure enough, every finger was gone. She also learned quickly that she could only move her head. The rest of her body was unresponsive. She hadn't been able to ask why or what happened to her. She tried to tell herself it was just the drugs, the exhaustion, her trauma, but she feared something worse.

Dr. Chakwas had explained to her that she lost every right-hand finger, but that was not the least of it. Her left side had been burned, part of her left leg and hip bone were completely shattered. She had literally been shot in the left side of the pelvic bone, leaving an empty space in her body. The ache of the void was indescribable.

She could not get enough medicine to keep her asleep. She did not want to dream anymore. She did not want to be functional. She just wanted numbness and a deep, deep sleep.

She was alone when she woke up, and the thought of that hurt her more than the Reapers.

It was worse than death. She could accept that. She had made her peace in the void of her consciousness. Then she woke up and was almost healed and ready for action.

This…She tried to make a fist again. It burned.

This…was _different_.

She closed her eyes again, brought her destroyed hand to her chest, and wept.

* * *

Liara was shaking. Hyperventilating, really, and each unsatisfying inhalation hit her hard. She knew their charade could not go on forever, but it had helped her feel _normal_ for goddess' sake! There was no crime in that, but she was not prepared to actually _face_ Shepard.

Garrus sat across from her, hunched over with his hands together. His cool blue eyes stared at her, calculating her pain with a meticulous gaze. She hadn't realized her pain was so visible, so she used her biotics to grab the new bottle of brandy from the kitchen. She opened the bottle and just started drinking it.

With a gasp, she placed the empty bottle on the table in front of her, then walked to the door. Garrus followed her closely and gently grabbed her arms. "Liara," he whispered in her ear. The alcohol hit her like a freight train and she stumbled into his arms.

"Fucking _wrong_ ," she mumbled in response.

Garrus sat her down on the couch. "What we've done is fucking wrong?"

She nodded, her hysteria the focal point of her face. She started weeping, shame and guilt burying her deeper into his arms. She had some amount of love for Garrus, but her love for Shepard outweighed that. She felt like _a traitor._

Shepard had been declared Not Testable, unable to respond, with no motor response or verbal response. She was not expected to ever wake up. As her next of kin, Garrus had fought to keep her "plugged" into the system on life support. Even with their advances in technology, the damage she had suffered to her vital organs and the burns on her body were going to leave her paralyzed or worse if she ever did wake up.

It was during that ordeal that she had gotten close to Garrus, as he truly had been unable to cope with the loss of his love. Liara loved Shepard too, there was no denying that. But now her loyalty was in question. Her commitment was in question.

She had committed treason.

Even if Shepard had never woken up, Liara still knew she had betrayed her, and betrayed her deeply.

Now she was awake. Her condition was unknown, but they knew she almost lost her right hand and her left leg had been blown to bits. She would be disabled, broken, and truly alone when she woke up.

"Garrus…we are unforgivable." She rolled from the couch onto her hands and knees, her body shivering continuously. "Treasonous," she spat, grabbing their coffee table to balance herself as she stood.

Garrus could not say a word. He knew it was true. He knew they were both in the wrong, and he also knew he loved Shepard and loved her deeply.

But he was a traitor.

A cheater, and a **traitor.**

He did not know if he would be forgiven.


	3. Falling Stars

Shepard had sent out a notice to Miranda, who had visited her when she was first comatose. She had adapted to utilizing her biotics instead of her hands but found that it was impossible to complete a simple task without excruciating pain that traveled deep into her bones. She felt nauseous most of the time she was awake, but she knew she had to make an appearance soon. Too much time had passed for her to not have notified the public she was alive. Her next of kin had been David Anderson…Garrus being only immediately after.

She saw Captain Anderson, leaning against her, hand covering his stomach.

" _You did good, child…I'm proud of you." Those were his last words to her, before bleeding out as he sat next to her. She had never been so tired…_

She took a deep breath and sat up slowly in her bed. Miranda bent next to her and gently pushed her up. She handed her a glass of water with a straw and Shepard drank slowly, her eyes closed. She pulled away from the straw and leaned against the pillows. She sighed and exhaled slowly, her eyes still closed.

"Is there anything you can do about this?" Shepard asked, moving her sheets to reveal her marred side and half a leg. Miranda held the glass in her hand and sighed.

"Much of the research that helped your…first reconstructive surgery is sadly no longer funded with the collapse of Cerberus." Her voice was low, gentle. She had helped Shepard the first time she awoke, all those months ago. Almost two years ago now.

Shepard closed her eyes again and took another deep breath. Her chest felt like it was ripping open, her rib cage spreading past her skin. She gasped and opened her eyes, the pain suddenly like a million knives. She pressed her left thumb on the switch in her hand, her IV connected to a bag of beautiful narcotics. The numbness and insatiable euphoria flooded her within seconds.

"I understand, Lawson. If you can find Garrus…anything…" Her tongue suddenly felt very heavy, and she tried to open her eyes but found the weight of her eyelids overwhelming. Sleep soon overtook her, artificial and broken.

She did not dream.

* * *

When she woke again, she saw him. He sat in the cold metal chair next to her bed. He saw her reach out to him, her broken hand unable to truly move. He got out of the chair and kneeled next to her bed, his face leaning against the edge.

He whispered her name the way he did in her dreams. "Shepard."

God, she missed his voice. She almost moaned his name. It ached, how much she missed him. Her chest felt heavy, her heart was pounding a million a minute and she reached out to touch his face with her left hand.

Tears fell from her eyes. "Garrus…are you real?" He reached up and ran his fingers through her hair. She closed her eyes, and he wiped her tears away gently.

"I'm here," he whispered.

She reached for him with her mangled hand, and he paused when he saw the bandages.

"Shepard, I didn't know when you were going to wake up," he murmured.

Tears fell from her eyes, and she reached for him again, pulling his chest close to her head. She was weak and all she could do was weep. She moved her head up, still crying, and leaned in to kiss him.

He pulled away.


	4. Supernova

When he pulled away, Garrus could see the pain in her beautiful green eyes. Her lip quivered, and she felt like crying, but she couldn't. Not now. She inhaled deeply and rubbed her eyes with her solitary working hand before moving both hands to her lap. A few moments of silence passed between them, thick and heavy in the air. She closed her eyes and leaned back in her bed. His breath hitched when he saw the shape of the woman in front of him. Her left leg was shot to hell, her hand broken and incomplete.

She asked him, her voice cold and commanding, without opening her eyes, "What's changed, Vakarian?" Garrus shifted uncomfortably and slowly stood from his place by her bed.

"I didn't know if you were going to wake up, Shepard." His voice was almost a whisper, her name sounded hollow on his tongue, like an unheard prayer. He took a moment and she opened her eyes, staring at him, calculating the weight of his words. He couldn't look at her. He had to turn away. He stood and walked to the window and placed his hands in his pockets.

"It's no excuse. But…" He took a deep breath and realized that his next words were going to break her even further. "In my desperation and depression…I started seeing someone."

Shepard wanted to laugh. It was _almost_ funny. It had to be a joke, right? When she saw the way he carried himself, shoulders hunched, like he was truly ashamed, she knew he was telling her the truth.

She looked directly into his eyes and pressed the button to get more morphine in her system before commanding him coldly, "Get the hell out, Vakarian."

He was shaken, unsettled, by the lack of emotion in her voice. He walked towards her and spoke her name once before she cut him off.

"Get the fuck out of my room, _you turian bastard_." He stopped in his tracks, and she could see the hurt, the guilt, and the weight of his actions hit him like a freight train.

He looked at her, torment behind his eyes, but her gaze remained emotionless and cold. He walked to the door and reached for the handle. He turned to look back at her, but she had already turned her back to him. Tears fell from her eyes silently.

He opened the door and closed it behind him.

She sobbed until she fell asleep. In her dreams, she saw a dying star.

* * *

 **Author's Notes:** I know my chapters are short, but I feel like it helps me update the story faster. As this story progresses, the chapters should hopefully get longer. Please review and let me know what you think.

~BrokenEmber


	5. Burning Brightly

" _You've got to get out of here." Her tone, laced with authority, did not betray her even though she was about to fall apart._

" _And you've got to be kidding me!" He protested, almost angry._

 _She looked into his eyes and he could hear the pain in her voice as she stated diplomatically "Don't argue, Garrus."_

" _We're in this til the end!" It was a fact. God, he'd been with her since the beginning._

 _She could see his leg was bleeding, she could hear the desperation in his voice. Liara held him back, but she had to look away from them. It felt rude, to be here during such an intense moment. She was shaking, not realizing she was bleeding too._

 _Shepard walked towards him slowly, realizing what she was going to say to him. It took all her power to not fall apart right then and there._

" _No matter what happens here…" She walked slowly up the ramp, her voice wavering. "…you know I love you. I always will." She touched his face and she realized it was the last time she would ever see him again._

 _His breath hitched in his throat. "Shepard…I…" He realized he had never told her. Damn it, why didn't he tell her this every day? He looked in her eyes and grabbed her hand. "…love you too." She pulled away from him and he reached out for her. She turned back and saw Harbinger. It made sense that this is how it would end._

 _It was always going to be like this, no matter what she did. No matter how many she saved. She had failed so many, but damn it, she was not going to fail him too._

" _Go!" She shouted, and she turned around and ran. She couldn't look at him again._

 _When the Normandy flew past her, she had to wipe the tears from her eyes._

 _Then she saw the beam. Everything turned white._

" _Shepard. You have failed." Harbinger's voice was only heard by her. Deep, cobwebs in her brain, filtering through the truth of this memory of Garrus. She couldn't breathe._

 _Suddenly she was floating. She was near the beam. The Illusive Man…he suddenly wasn't the Illusive Man. He morphed into Garrus. He shot Anderson._

 _Then he shot Shepard. In her blurred vision of this nightmare, as she lay bleeding, she saw Garrus…then she saw Saren…who placed the gun against his temple._

" _Garrus! No!"_

" _I'm sorry, Shepard." It was Garrus' voice, in Saren's body._

 _Then she heard the gunshot and the crescendo of the Reapers._

She woke, screaming his name. Nurses and doctors came rushing in. She thrashed against the bed, her working fist grabbing at her IV's. She ripped it out and her blood spilled onto the bed. She couldn't stop screaming. She saw Harbinger's yellow glowing eyes in the doctors who stood above her. She heard nothing but white noise, her screams of terror silent to her own head.

"Hold her down!" A male nurse spoke. Arms were on her, pressing her weak form against the bed. Another nurse held a rag against her bleed and smeared medi-gel on it, which stopped the bleeding.

A hand was on her forehead. "She's burning up! We need to knock her out and get the IV back in her!" Dr. Chakwas spoke loudly and with authority, but there was fear in her voice.

Shepard moaned as the needle was injected into her neck, her body falling limp almost instantly. The white noise did not stop, even as her eyes closed.

She only saw his blue eyes.

* * *

When Shepard woke, she had the worst pain behind her eyes and in her skull. She groaned and very slowly opened her eyes. Fuck, even that hurt.

"Shepard?" It was Miranda.

"Miranda, what...happened?"

Dr. Karin Chakwas walked into the room and answered her promptly. "You had a nasty fever, caused by infection, that caused a seizure-like response. You've been out for a week, fighting the fever."

Shepard nodded again but that felt like it that made her brain press against her skull. She remained still and slowly opened her eyes.

"What…infection?" She groaned and tried to rib her eyes, but her wrists were in straps, as was her right leg. Her burns had healed during this time, thanks to her cybernetics and thorough skinweave. Her hip and leg had partially healed, but she still remained fingerless on her right hand. If she had been cognizant enough, she would have laughed at the fact her right wrist was in a strap. Like that could pose a threat.

"Shepard, drink." Miranda approached her and placed a straw in her mouth. The water flowed past her tongue, coating her throat, refreshing her.

She looked at Miranda, then at Dr. Chakwas.

Karin sighed and walked towards the broken hero. "It was caused by an internal rupture, in conjunction with your injured hand. Your burns have healed nicely, but your hand has permanent nerve damage. It will take time to become fully functional again, and that is after you get approved for reconstructive surgery."

Shepard understood what she was saying but was unable to respond. She looked at her hand, her neck barely turning. She groaned and moved her wrists weakly, still in their bonds. Miranda removed them and sat on the edge of Shepard's bed.

"Shepard…I have to tell you something."

"Miranda…do you really think this is the best time?" Karin asked, her voice crisp with scrutiny.

"She deserves to know, Karin." Miranda gently grabbed Shepard's unmarred hand and took a deep breath. "It's about Garrus…and Liara."

* * *

 **Author's Notes** :

I am really enjoying writing this story. It's been very therapeutic for me. I hope it is enjoyable to read! Please review and offer any advice, criticism or comment.

 _BrokenEmber_


	6. Answers?

Garrus stopped what he was doing when he received the following email to his Citadel net address:

 **Vakarian,**

I just want answers. Please. You owe me that much.

You know where I live now.

 **-Shepard**

It was 11:00 P.M.

Garrus knew Liara was sleeping next to him, but he felt this overwhelming urge to go see Shepard. It flooded his chest, overwhelming his senses. His heart ached, it welled in his chest. It felt like impending doom. Like right before they went to the Collector Base. Right after he had first been with Shepard intimately. He could remember every moment of it.

" _Hey. I brought wine. Best I could afford on a vigilante's salary."_

He cringed at his…awkwardness. He sighed and realized his mind couldn't stop, not like it used to. It was the strangest memory, one that both hurt him and aroused him simultaneously, to his chagrin.

He slowly moved off the bed, decided to get coffee before getting dressed to go see her. He needed time to…calm down.

Liara woke and draped a hand around his waist. "Garrus?" She mumbled, opening her eyes.

"Are you okay?" She slowly sat up in the bed and turned the lamp on her nightstand on.

He shuffled his feet anxiously, then turned to face her. "I'm okay."

"Come back to bed." She gently pulled on his arm. He sighed and rolled towards her and kissed her on the forehead.

"I'll be back soon."

Liara sighed and laid back down, pulling the sheets closer. She inhaled deeply and told him in a whisper, "I know you're going to see Shepard." Her voice trembled as she spoke, "I can't face her. Not yet." She looked over her shoulder and told him pragmatically, as she often did, "I don't want to interfere with this, Garrus. It is in your hands alone. I will respect whatever decision you make, but for the love of the Goddess, please make a decision soon."

Without another word, she turned the lamp off and got comfortable under the covers.

Garrus closed the bedroom door.

* * *

His talons hovered over the steering wheel. He was outside the hospital. He had received notice from Shepard that she had requested a private room for their meeting, one in which there would be no doctors or nurses interrupting them…and especially, there would be no leaking of their conversation to the press.

He parked behind the hospital and pulled at his jacket collar, rolling it up against his neck. He slipped through the hospital doors and was easily able to walk into the elevator. The security guard only nodded at him before the elevator doors closed. The top floor. It reminded him of the elevators on Ilos. He fell into another memory.

 _Shepard leaned against the hard, glowing green wall and sat down. She was beaten to shit. Her nose was bleeding from using her biotics. Her head was buzzing. Liara was commenting on the beauty of the design of the elevator. Shepard felt the blood touch her lips and she wiped it away on her glove. She looked up at the blue eyed turian, who stood near her._

" _When we take that bastard down, I need you on my six, Garrus." She spoke softly, yet still commanding._

" _There's no other place I'd rather be, Shepard." He reloaded his sniper rifle and extended his hand to her. She grabbed it and he pulled her up. The elevator door opened slowly._

" _About fucking time." She pulled her pistol out and walked out into the vine filled hallway._

The elevator door opened, revealing cool tile that met the metal of the elevator. Garrus slowly exited and looked around. There was a small table to his right, a giftshop past it, and various rooms which were closed. The lights were dim, but he looked to his left and there was a single door. He walked towards the door and before opening it, he saw through the small window. There she was.

She was standing tall, her body leaning into a crutch to compensate for her marred leg. Her hair had grown substantially. It flowed to her midback, naturally wavy obsidian locks that always smelled of cinnamon.

The scent hit him as he opened the door. He almost fell right then and there. Shepard turned around and looked at him so coldly she may as well have stabbed him. It was an instant sense of guilt, of shame, but mostly disgust with himself for seeing that _he did this to her._ Her eyes were red, her cheeks were wet. Her left hand's nails were bitten to stubs, the only real nervous habit that she had acquired during the stress of the Reaper invasion. Her dark circles had returned like a black smudge underneath her eyes. She looked so small, so fragile, that Garrus felt his once flawless vision of her had shattered.

She was broken.

He wanted to say something. Anything would be better than this silence. This _deafening silence._ He closed the door and sat at the chair in front of her. She looked down at him. It felt appropriate.

"Shep…" It stopped so abruptly. He tried to speak her name. It felt so hollow on his tongue. The name which once burned in his memory and his heart, a word which had been given so much reverence, a monument. A temple that only existed in his own reality. The _real_ Shepard he loved. He tried to say her name again. His throat felt as if it were closing up, her name now suffocating him.

She interjected. "I didn't die, Garrus. I was asleep. You _could see me_ , for fuck's sake. I was right there and you still…" She had to pause because she felt her emotions getting the better of her. She didn't want that to happen. She turned and faced the wall for a moment and inhaled deeply before turning back to him. "I just want to know why you couldn't wait for me. What was the urgency, Garrus? Just answer that."

His tongue formed the words, but his brain was unable to process the stress he was experiencing. He looked out the window and placed his hand against the window sill, then turned his head towards the dark-haired beauty in front of him. "You know I have always loved you, Shepard. Always."

Her eyes burned into him, almost brighter than ever, glowing in the dim light of the hospital room. His heart burned with the weight of her silence.

"I could not watch you wither away, I…" His mouth felt so dry, sweat beading and blurring his vision. The tips of his fingers were numb. "I went to see Liara, so she could find another neurologist that specialized in coma patients. She had already set up an appointment with him before I even saw her. I don't know…I just…" He sighed and saw she had not once looked away from him. She did not speak. She just listened.

"After he examined you and reviewed your past medical…procedures, he told me there was a less than twenty percent chance you would gain full function if you ever woke up. You were gone for fifteen months and I was told you would not wake up, and if you did, you would not be the same, even with your extensive cybernetics." Garrus felt so exhausted suddenly, so drained. His tongue felt heavy in his mouth, his hands almost shaking. The words barely came out of him. "I was told to unplug you, Shepard. That was his final recommendation. The sooner the better…"

Shepard took a step back. She finally looked away, her eyes meeting the floor. He reached for her hand. She wanted to resist but it felt so natural. It felt so normal. So perfect. Their hands fit together like nothing had ever happened.

"I was lost without you…and Liara gave me hope for the future. I don't…love her, and she doesn't lov-"

Shepard pulled her hand away like she had been burned. "I can't accept that excuse Garrus. Just…tell me, what _the fuck_ you were thinking…" Her words came out like venom, hot and brutal. "Did you think I was just going to die? After everything we went through—"

He grabbed the back of her neck, pulled her into his arms, and kissed her. He kissed her _hard._

Her breath and words caught in her throat. She melted into him and leaned into him, unable to bear her own weight on the crutch. He held her there and moved his mouth to her neck. Shepard whimpered under him and he pulled away and looked into her eyes. She was still angry. She was so outrageously angry, and he still did not answer her questions.

But…maybe the answers could wait.

* * *

 **Author's Notes:** I am taking a lot of personal experience and putting into my work, but my goal is to keep the characters as "in character" as possible. I hope the story is cohesive and flows well, but I ask for your reviews! Please let me know what I could improve on!

Cheers!

-BrokenEmber


	7. Blue-Skinned Drugs

In every fiber of her being, every nerve, every atom, she felt flame. To the tips of her fingers, the very skin under her fingernails, around the curvature of her spine, splintering the back of her neck, to the flesh on the bridge of her nose. It vibrated in her core, churned her stomach and she leaned forward to grab the can next to her.

Bile flew up her esophagus, the contents of an empty stomach burning the nerves in her teeth.

Her teeth vibrated.

She moved her thumb across the small red dotted controller in her hand, the lovely feeling of heavy-duty painkillers hitting her bloodstream with exquisite focus. She felt unbelievably alive, despite it all. She hadn't felt alive since she died two years ago.

That was the first time she felt the surge of adrenaline, the molten ash of heightened focus, and a sweet, sweet numbness that buried her senses and made her impenetrable. She had such an incredible will to _just stay fucking alive._

As the numbness seized her every nerve, she realized Garrus was still with her. Her closing eyes followed the movement of his hand to her hand, wrapped around it tightly.

"I will be here when you wake up." His mouth moved, muted, but she heard his voice in her head; it was the most beautiful crescendo that flooded behind her eyes. There was a grip on her hand, beautiful and numb, and for the first time in a while, complete.

In the eye of her mind, she saw blue.

Liara.

* * *

Author's Notes: I am sorry for the short chapters. This is just revealed to me day by day my dudes.

-Ember


	8. Lavender

Miranda saw Shepard early that same morning, around seven A.M. Her gloved hands floated over her omni-tool as she turned off the visible scan, then scanned Shepard. There was no light to wake her, but Shepard could feel in her light sleep the presence of someone.

Her eyes fluttered open and she looked at Miranda's relieved face.

"Hey," Shepard murmured, slowly sitting up. Her bloodshot eyes met Miranda's clear blue eyes. Miranda looked over at Garrus, who managed to build a small bed out of two chairs, a pillow and an extra blanket from Shepard's bed. He was still sleeping.

Shepard smiled when she saw him, then looked back at Miranda. "What's going on?" She whispered.

"Nothing, your vitals are good. Your blood pressure has gone down significantly. You were high for a few days there." She looked back at Garrus then again at Shepard. Miranda's eyes shined with the assurance that her former commander's secret would stay in this room.

"I'll come by with your breakfast in an hour with your meds. Maybe we can take a lap around this floor after you eat, to get you moving. Oh, and Joker is going to stop by later around noon." Miranda dusted her hands off on her pants then stood slowly. She grabbed Shepard's unmaimed hand and gave it a squeeze before leaving and closing the door behind her.

Shepard sat there in silence. She heard the rustling of patients waking on her floor, each nurse checking their vitals.

She pressed the button on the side of her bed, and Dr. Karin Chakwas came into her room almost immediately. "Good morning Shepard, do you need help?"

"Good morning Dr. Chakwas, I was wondering if I could get some help bathing." She placed her unmaimed hand behind her and pushed herself to the side of the bed, her legs swung over the edge.

"I will get a wheelchair in here to make it easier. Do you want new clothes? You got a drop off of items early this morning. After checking them for chemicals or bombs, we have decided they're regular clothes…in your size." Karin placed the bag on her bed.

Garrus woke from his sleep and slowly sat up, rubbing his eyes. "Did I hear something about a bath or was I dreaming?"

Karin smiled at Garrus and looked at Shepard. "I'll be right back with the wheelchair and bag. Will Garrus be helping you today?"

Before Shepard could reply, Garrus interjected, almost proudly, "I'm here to help her with whatever she needs."

Karin nodded at Shepard and smiled at Garrus. "Very well." She left the room, the door closing behind her. Shepard grunted and leaned back in bed with a heavy sigh. Each individual movement hurt. She closed her eyes and placed her hand on her stomach.

"Does Liara know you're here?" Shepard asked without opening her eyes.

"Yes. She does." His voice was soft, low.

"That explains the mystery gift bag." Shepard looked over at him, and he scooted his chair closer to her bed. He grabbed her hand and placed it against his face.

"She told me to make a decision, and I have."

Shepard exhaled slowly through her nose. "Good."

Dr. Chakwas came in with a robe and two towels on top of her gift bag. The bag contained cinnamon scented shampoo and lavender body wash, along with feminine hygiene items. It seemed innocent enough, but she saw a card at the bottom of the bag. It was white with blue print: _From the Shadow Broker._

She placed the card against her nose and smelled blueberries. Liara.

Her heart vibrated in her chest as she placed the card back in the bag. She placed her hand out and Garrus gripped it, helping her into the chair. He practically lifted her and sat her down.

As he wheeled her to the bathroom next to her room with her bag around his shoulders, Shepard felt a peace in her heart that she hadn't felt in months.

He lifted her gown over her head and it was then that he saw how thin she was. Bruises covered her torso, scars along her ribs, ashy burns along her left hip and down her leg that were still healing. She had never been so frail as she was at that moment. Her hair was so long and the sensation of it touching her bare back almost felt unbearable. He pulled a comb from the bag and gently brushed it. Goosebumps covered her bare body and the sensation of the comb touching her scalp felt unbearable.

She whimpered in pain and Garrus gently pulled her hair into a bun, wrapping it with a blue ribbon.

"I want to wash my hair but literally everything hurts. I can't even get up to get into the bath." She felt so weak and defeated, her hands balled into fists. She looked back at Garrus and reached for his hand.

He squeezed her hand while telling her softly, "You're going to sit here, and I am going to get a wash cloth." He pulled a small towel from her bag and covered it in lavender body wash. He rinsed it in warm water then placed the cloth on the back of her neck, gently massaging her with his thumbs. She almost moaned.

He smiled and moved his thumbs across her shoulders, the soap's bubbles popping on her skin. Shepard allowed herself to enjoy it. She tried to release her pain, and her questions that were still unanswered, and just wanted to live in the moment. With him.

As he continued to wash her, being especially careful around her hips and still bandaged hand, and she closed her eyes.

A single tear fell. Maybe the worst was over.


	9. The Number Fifteen

**A/N:** I feel like a horrible person for this chapter but like I said, day by day. You have been warned.

* * *

As her eyelids slowly lifted, her vision hazy, and her breathing ragged, Shepard didn't realize what was happening. She tried to take a deep breath but inside her mouth was a tube that connected to her lungs, a machine breathing for her. She wanted to scream.

She had just gotten back in bed, after Garrus cleaned her. She hadn't fallen asleep _that_ hard, had she? She scrambled to grab the tube in her mouth. She reached with her left hand and she saw her fingers. They…were there. They had never been reduced to blacken stubs. They were completely in-tact.

She began gagging and within seconds she saw Dr. Michel, approaching her, yet everything moved so much slower. She could not breathe. Horrified, she began clawing at her tube and it was then that she saw her _hands._

Shepard looked down at her hand, studying it. She saw the beginning stages of wrinkles, solidified lines etched in her skin, hands that she had never seen before. Her hands were not hers, not how she had just seen them. It was just last night. Hours ago. Shepard looked at her nails, grown out in an oval shape. Her nails a bit yellower, the skin paler underneath the nail. Dr. Michel immediately pressed a button on the machine next to Shepard. She started crying. Hot tears covered her face, but slowly, as her muscle movements gradually became nonexistent, she no longer felt control of her eyelids.

Empty sleep covered over her.

* * *

Once again, her eyes opened. The tube was no longer in her throat, but there was an oxygen mask over her mouth and nose. Her every muscle and nerve vibrated, but she could not move.

Looking through a clouded gaze, she saw Dr. Michel standing over her.

"Commander Shepard, welcome back." Her French accent was still the same. Shepard followed the voice with her eyes and landed upon the woman's face. Her once large and vibrant eyes were shrunk by dark black circles, her lips taut and in a perpetual frown.

"Dr. Michel?" Shepard's throat was so dry. Hearing her discomfort, a nurse immediately placed a straw in her mouth. Shepard sucked the water through her teeth, having forgotten _how_ good water tasted.

"How are you feeling?" The words echoed from the doctor's pink painted lips behind Shepard's eyes, but their meaning was not understood.

Shepard could only nod, still drinking her water. Hearing the slurp that told her she had drank all of it, the nurse began pulling the cup away. Shepard slowly removed the straw from her lips, the end of it bouncing against her lips.

Dr. Michel took a deep breath and grabbed Shepard's hands. "Do you know where you are?"

She nodded, and the words poured from her mouth lazily, "The Citadel."

"Yes. Huerta Memorial." The Frenchwoman paused before asking her, "Do you know what year it is?"

Shepard nodded. She had just woken up. "2188. Coma's been fifteen months." She sounded so sure, so positive. "Where's Dr. Chakwas?"

Dr. Michel's frown deepened, and she reached for Shepard's hands. Her eyes started to water, and her nose begun to drip, and she cleared her throat. The gravity of her words was about to bury her. She took a deep breath and gently squeezed Shepard's hand.

"Shepard…it hasn't been fifteen months." Dr. Michel placed her other hand on the commander's shoulder and looked into her eyes.

Shepard's heart pounded in her chest, and every hair on her body raised. Fear flooded behind her eyes and she looked at the doctor for answers. Unable to speak, her ears felt as if they were filled with cotton, white noise warming her eardrums.

"It's 2202. It's been fifteen years."


	10. Flightless

Chapter Ten: Flightless

After screaming for what felt like hours, Shepard begged the doctors to just kill her. She begged them to please put her out of her misery, hot tears falling into her stomach because she just could not stop screaming. Her body shook violently with sobs and she tried to rip the IV's out of her arms, but she was so weak she could not lift her hands by herself.

Her heart pounded in her chest so hard that she could feel her soul vibrating. Her nerves tingled under her, her brain tried to process but it broke her down. She finally glowed with biotics, her hands reaching out to the emptiness in front of her.

After being injected with a tranquilizer, an empty and unsatisfying sleep overcame her.

When she opened her eyes again, she was alone.


	11. Momento Mori

The ache that went through her bones was indescribable. There was not a way for her brain to process and recognize what had been done to her. Sadly, the root of her pain was not just increasing burden in the weight of time, but the inescapable loneliness that followed.

She wept in her bed for days. She refused visitors. Nobody had sent her flowers, or a letter, or a message. There were no news groups trying to meet with the once savior of the galaxy.

She experienced the worst punishment for her sins: being ignored and forgotten.

Too much time had passed since she defeated the Reapers. The cycle continued, and the Mass Relays were repaired and functional. AI's were being used again, the Geth were fixed by the Quarians. Everything she had warned them about, and all of her efforts to bring peace, everything that the Reapers did, had been erased.

It was as if it had not happened. In fact, to mention the Reapers was illegal galaxy-wide. There was no more justice, no more awareness, and instead a numb, faceless society replaced the warm mixed species and culture she had grown accustomed to.

Not only had she aged, unaware of her own cellular destruction, she had one sliver of gray in her hair. It crushed her. When she looked in the mirror, she was unrecognizable. She was just like the faceless, for whom there was no justice.

As doctors flitted in and out of her room, she could only see the shade of blue of one particular member at the trail end of the group.

"Dr. T'soni." Shepard's voice was not as strong as it was. Liara's name felt unused, but she had just dreamt she embodied her worst nightmare. Every part of her ached at the thought. However, that was just a dream, right?

Liara looked gorgeous and graceful, a plain blue suit underneath her white jacket. Her face looked the same. She asked the other doctors to leave, and slowly approached the dark-haired woman lying in bed.

"Liara, where's Garrus?"

Liara frowned, uncertain how to answer. "Shepard…"

Unable to control her emotions, Shepard began crying as she told her story. "I had the craziest coma dream, Liara. You and Garrus were together, and I lost all my fingers, and I was—"

"Shepard." Liara's voice was calm, but tears were brimming her eyes.

Shepard stopped, and her green eyes met Liara's ice blue gaze. She said words that fifteen years could not prepare her for.

"Garrus is dead."


End file.
